Monday, June 21, 2010

let's talk about seth baby

My roommates and I are all unemployed. For various reasons we all find ourselves sitting on the couch watching daytime TV together; I left my job when I moved to LA for the summer, some of them have been fired/laid off/quit, and some of them never had a job (though, if eating all the potstickers I buy at Trader Joe's were a job, they'd own stock in the company by now (Jk, angels! I love youu! Haha, LOL I don't even like potstickers because I'm vegetarian. (No I'm not, I love meat, especially potsticker-meat. (Mm, potstickermeat.))) Good luck deciphering what just happened/ I'm sorry.

Now we know real things are going on but the 5 of us plant ourselves in front of the TV to watch hours of SOAPnet's newest syndication, The OC. It's not a waste of time because we apply to Craigslist jobs during the commercials. We are halfway through season 2 and 100% re-in love with the nerdy, sarcastic, indie-band-referencing Jew: Seth Cohen. wHaTaDrEaMbOaT. Anyway, we all started wondering (which in the 21st century is synonymous with Googling) what Adam Brody's up to now, who he's dating and how we can sneak into his house.

Best fact found: Adam Brody was in an episode of MTV's Undressed- the show no one was allowed to watch but it came on too late for your mom to monitor because she's old and went to bed already. He was also in a band called Big Japan. From the looks of, Adam Brody really hasn't been doing that much since the OC. He was in Grind, Jenifer's Body and Cop Out (please hold your applause... forever) BUT, he'll be in two vaguely promising upcoming movies- The Romantics, and The Oranges. In The Romantics, Brody co-stars with Katie Holmes, Josh Duhamel and Elijah Wood (yeaaah Elijah Wood) in a rom-com about old friends reuniting at a wedding, skinny dipping in the ocean and yelling into the open air Garden State/Where the Wild Things Are-style. Here's the trailer (after a Converse All-Star, I mean Mayonnaise commercial):

It played at Sundance where it recieved a 3.5 out of 5, which is enough for me to torrent download it now, so goodbye and good luck. If it's really good I'll tell you next time, aaand if you're a government official- "torrent download" is slang us kids are using these days for "waiting for a movie to come out in theaters and buying an admission ticket for said movie".

I leave you with this coupon for orange chicken from Panda Express that you can only use between the hours of 9pm and 10pm, so generous:

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Memoirs of a Sasquatch

Today was one of those 'run out of gas on the 101- climb a barbed wire fence to get to Chevron' kind of Thursdays. Flashback to me passing gas station, after gas station because *even though I know cars need gas to run*, I hate the feeling of spending $40, so I test it. every. damn. time. I know one of these days a scientist will escape from whatever island BP is keeping them on and show us how gasoline is really just windshield-wiper fluid and cars can run on "batteries" that "charge" in the "sun". I'm probably on some sort of hit list now so please tell my family I love them, but I still don't forgive anyone for the Christmas of '94.

Anyway, a lovely Asian woman helped me flag down a lovely Mexican teen and together we decided it was too hard to push my car up the on-ramp so we all let go and it crunched into a nice, out of the way ditch. From there they both said, "good luck" and sped away in their fully operating vehicles leaving me to cross 4 lanes of traffic, mount a dirt hill on all fours and climb a barbed wire fence. It would not be an exaggeration to say this was the most fun i've had while crying. Once everything was properly ripped/bleeding I walked a few city blocks to the nearest gas station.

The dirt hill left me looking and feeling "very Sasquatch" so I bought myself a Snickers to eat in front of the homeless man at my gas pump. I filled up a small, overpriced red cube with $2 worth of gas and headed back toward my abandoned car. Only a block away from Chevron, my survival instincts flared up and I began collecting sticks and trash off the ground for the fire I would inevitably build to cook my leather belt and shoes. I found the second half of the Snickers in my pocket and dropped all the trash on the ground.

Back at the giant fence, I took off my dinner belt to wear like an ammo sash (I really hope you're following) with the gas can bumping against my leg and started climbing. From there it was just a small drop and roll down the dirt hill. The Sasquatch was enhanced. I darted back across traffic. Sweaty, dirty and risking my life for fuel, I made a mental note to research PTSD and military discounts.

Finally to my car, I made out with it as freeway traffic watched from both sides. It was just getting hot & heavy when delightful motorcycle cop zipped up and muttered something about me not being allowed to park in the ditch. I muttered that sometimes I wish my eyes were fire. Neither of us really needing what the other had so far offered, he watched as I emptied the red gas can into my tank and asked where I got it. I gave him the abridged version- "Chevron", and he told me Cal-Trans would have brought me a free gallon if I had just called information. I could have killed my only brother. Cal-Trans was still radioed as my car refused to start and they towed me out of the ditch, added more gas to my tank and waved goodbye. I got to my house where I sat in my car listening to a Disney playlist and flaking off face dirt for two hours. I guess what I'm trying to say in all this is that today I learned the true meaning of Hakuna Matata and it's don't walk 3 miles through Afghani terrain for something Cal-Trans will bring you for free and by that I mean bring home the tropes (like a wayward son or a stream to the river).